First trimester done! What our child has already given us
I can hardly believe it, but we’ve just reached our second trimester. 14 weeks down, and 26 to go! Boy I can’t wait to meet our little one. Some days it’s all I can think about now. Daydreaming about being a dad, and simultaneously bricking it at the same time. Worried about doing it wrong, but picturing all the fun things we’re going to get up to, before reining myself in and telling myself that it’s still early days and that so much can still go wrong.
Working in healthcare doesn’t help. I’ve seen too many births not go to plan, and though I know these are rare in the grand scheme of things, you can’t help but imaging the worst sometimes. Every child is precious, but this one’s ours.
Only 14 weeks old, not even born yet, and this peach sized bundle of new life has already changed our world. I know this may sound completely over the top, but I have no doubt that every expectant parent knows exactly what I mean. From the moment I saw the heartbeat at the 6 week scan, I became a dad. I don’t care what the limit of viability is. I don’t care that little one’s not even born yet. In my heart, I am a dad; with all the privileges and responsibilities that come with it. And I could not be happier.
Amongst the hodge podge of emotions and new experiences that little one has already gifted us, here are a few things that have stood out to me the most –
I’m taking better care of myself
Realising that my life is not just my own anymore, and that a child will be dependent on it pretty soon, has made me want to take care of it better.
I noticed this the other day when some rude boy driver in a really noisy Fiat Punto tailgates me on my way back from Norfolk. Normally I’d either slow down even further to piss them off, or I’d let them overtake me whilst giving them the finger as they passed by (I understand that both these options are pretty childish, but I never said I wasn’t an idiot). This day, I found myself weighing up my options, before concluding that it just wasn’t worth the risk for some stupid sense of satisfaction.
With my health, I’m actively trying to shift a few pounds and take up regular exercise (urgh…), counting calories and recording my macros etc. all so that I can be an active parent when the time comes. Plus (and this is a big plus), I’d love to be able to get one of those sexy black and white photos where the dad is holding their baby in their muscular arms. Essentially, I’d like to be hot dad.
Having additional conversation topics with colleagues
Most of my colleagues are women. Without being stereotypical, it can sometimes be difficult for me to join in on conversations about baby sensory, puddle ducks, Mr. Tumble and nipple soreness. Of course there are other topics of conversation, mainly BREXIT and NHS related bleakness of late, but chat invariably returns to childcare.
As much as I used to try to join in, there was only so much I could relate to their experiences before asking myself “what the fuck is a Ninky Nonk?”
Since J’s become pregnant though, I can finally join in! And I’m actually interested in their pregnancy stories (rather than just pretending to be). I’m loving the pregnancy banter.
Pointlessly over protective
I want to be with J all the time. I hate it when I have to work nights or be away from her and our bump. Prior to pregnancy, both J and I were pretty independent really. We’d got used to working shifts, and though we missed each other it was never that much of a problem.
Now I worry when I’m not there. Which is silly really, because J’s tough and can look after herself. Truth be told, I’m not sure what I really add to the equation. I can’t do anything to stop her feeling sick, except to offer her tea and ginger biscuits. Oh, and I check the food label of everything she eats to make sure there’s nothing in it which can harm the baby.
So I’m not sure what I’m worried about. Intruders? Maybe. I suppose I could be there to fend them off with our cast iron toastie maker…thankfully we live in a pretty good area.
In truth, I’m probably just there to give hugs and stroke J’s hair when she feels nauseous. But that’s my role and I take it very seriously.
Made us both so much happier
I already mentioned how happy I am to be expecting a child, but I cannot stress this point enough. I think because J and I were struggling to get pregnant for a while, whether we realised it or not, we were both starting to feel really down about it.
Friends around us were all getting pregnant and whilst we were genuinely happy for them, this was always marred by a sense of sadness that we weren’t able to say the same thing. We loved seeing our friends and their children, but every time we made them laugh or giggle it hurt to know that we weren’t making our own children laugh or giggle. Neither of us were in a good place.
So whilst this pregnancy is making J sick most evenings, extremely tired every night and both of us feel anxious daily for the next 26 weeks to go smoothly – it is always with a knowing smile. It is unreal how much joy our 14 week old bump has already given us, and I can’t wait for the next 26.
Here’s to trimester 2!
Ps. would love to hear your experiences – please comment below.