Too un-cool for Lethal Bizzle
Ever since Chris Moyle’s left Radio 1 I’ve been a bit of a radio nomad, flipping from station to station in search of my next comfort “DJ” blanket to keep me company in the mornings. I know lots of people love Nick Grimshaw, including my wife, and I’m sure he’s a lovely guy. But I just find him grating. Nothing personal, but I hurt inside every time I listen to him.
Over the past 3 years I’ve moved between Radio 2, Capital and Heart before finally giving up on crappy popular music altogether and settling on a ménage-a-trois of radio 4, 4 extra and Radio 5 live. I throw in the occasional bit of radio LBC if I’m feeling frisky and fancy listening to James O’Brien verbally spank a right-winged caller’s brains in.
Every now again though, whilst I’m driving and I’m pretty sure no one can hear what I’m listening to in the car, I’ll flip over to Radio 1xtra. It plays cool urban music and is my one lifeline to my youth. Which is an odd thing to say, because I’ve never been either cool or urban. I grew up in East Anglia, which is more temperate and rural than “hood.” But there was a time, in my early 20s, when I was cool-ish – sipping on Smirnoff Ices and bopping to Craig David in da club (don’t you smirk!). I guess Radio 1xtra evokes nostalgic memories of those good-old days and I love it! Not all the time of course, but it’s a special treat every now and again. Like adding Chocolate spread to a chocolate hob nob to make a “mega-nob!” (If you haven’t tried this, do it! It’s chocolatey crumbly ecstasy)
Most of the time I don’t listen to the lyrics, I just let my body feel the beat (note: it does not move to the beat, it just feels it), but I can normally get the gist of what’s being sang. The other day I heard a song called “Round Here” by a chap called Lethal Bizzle that just made me think I had a stroke. Sure the sounds were recognisably English, but my 30-something year old brain just could not process any meaning out of them.
Later in the day, I googled the lyrics but even that was incomprehensible! Here’s an excerpt –
You don’t wanna stop round here
You don’t wanna plot round here, nah
Big four fizzy in the hand
Kick off your headtop clear, clear, clear
Check 1, four fizzy in the air
One shot, two shot, three shot, clear
And you know that we got a transit spare
Case we gotta run up on your rear
It’s not just me right?! Not wanting to admit defeat, or that I’m too old for this shizzle, I looked up each phrase individually to try to decipher its hidden meaning. Do you remember having to do this in English lessons at school? It was a bit like that, but less “Romeo, where for art thou Romeo” and more “where all my bitches at?”
In essence what I think Lethal is trying to tell someone is that they’re not welcome at his place. He then goes on to threaten them with a pistol (this took me a while to decipher, but I believe a “four fizzy” refers to a .450 calibre handgun) and describes how he would shoot them in the head in graphic detail. And just in case they flee, he has a Ford Van which he can use to rear end them in the event of a car chase sequence.
So you see, it is still possible to enjoy urban music without having to bump and grind to it. It’s just like enjoying English lit class. Which is fortunate, because I’m simply not cool enough for my own music tastes otherwise. I love the music, but my body’s just not able to process it. I’m a funky urban youth trapped inside a body built for comfort and lacto-free cheese. Sigh…