Getting more cuddly
Mottos encapsulate the core beliefs or values of an organisation or group. There are loads of famous ones about: “semper fi(delis)” – US Marines, “be prepared” – Scouts, “winter is coming” – House Stark (Game of Thrones). Amongst the night shift workers of the NHS, there is one motto that we live and die by – “noli numerare calories nocte!” which roughly translates to ”night shift calories don’t count!”
This universally acknowledged truth unites us, it emboldens us, and it legitimises the nightly devouring of all things chocolate covered, jam filled and luminescent.
For years I was in control of my habit. Sleep deprivation and running around the hospital protected me from any lingering effects of the nightly sugar hits. Then I hit my 30s. A slowing metabolism coupled with an increasing addiction has taken a noticeable toll on my body…I’m getting more cuddly.
The morning comedowns are the worst. Going cold turkey from the night before is getting tougher. Where once I could switch back to a healthy diet the morning after, now I crave KFC. There is an emptiness inside of me that only the colonel’s chicken can fill.
I’ve tried to turn this around, I’ve taken in salads and water, but the cravings always draw me back. There’s something about night shifts which takes over all self-control. Maybe it’s the intensity, maybe it’s the moon. Who knows? But I’ve seen fitness fanatics cowering in corners inhaling mars bars – “my precious!” they snarl as you draw close to them (this is a lie). Perhaps it’s the shared camaraderie of doing something naughty…secretly – “the first rule of eating chocolate cake is, you DO NOT talk about eating chocolate cake!”
This has to stop! I’ve said this many times before and failed many times before, but now there’s a reason – I’m going to be a dad, and soon every night will be a night shift.
I’m going to quit my nocturnal habit and get fit. I will embrace quinoa and monitor my macros. I will learn to love Joe Wicks and HIIT. Rehab begins here, it begins now, it begins…after I’ve finished my stash!