Rice krispies à la baked beans in bed
Just to clarify, the title is not referring to an unusual sexual food fetish that J and I share. Firstly, J is obsessively clean and would shudder at the thought (no amount of Daz would brighten those whites!) and secondly, those would be really unusual food choices to be using. To be fair though, I suspect someone, somewhere has shouted out “snap, crackle and pop!” at the moment of arrival at some point in time (let’s face it, the odds are definitely in my favour).
What I’m actually alluding to in the title is J’s worsening pregnancy nausea, limited food tolerances and constant tiredness. I know I’m going to sound stupid saying this, but it has come as a bit of a shock to me. Not the symptoms themselves (I bought a book about it don’t you know!) but the extent to which they’ve changed our routine. I think I was expecting the occasional dash to the shops for Ben and Jerry’s, going to bed half an hour earlier and occasionally having to hold J’s hair back for her to regurgitate. Other than that I pretty much expected to be doing what we normally do plus the additional excitement of picking baby names, planning the bedroom furniture and dreaming about our first family holiday etc.
The reality has been far more…and I’m sorry to say it…boring! Not all the time of course, we are acutely aware of how lucky we are to be pregnant. But interspersed between the moments of euthoric happiness are prolonged periods of sitting on the sofa with J asleep/retching or otherwise incapacitated. I know I really shouldn’t be complaining, god only knows I’m not woman enough to want to take her place, but it really is the most ambivalent experience. On the one hand, J’s nausea and tiredness reflects the fact that she has a growing baby inside of her – yay! On the other hand, it means my wife spends half the day with her head down the toilet – nay! Likewise I really wouldn’t want any unexpected pregnancy surprises over the next 7 months, which would be “exciting” but really shit at the same time!
In many ways, what pregnancy needs is a movie-style montage with a 1980s rock ballad sound track (I’m thinking – “you’re the best” in the original Karate Kid) to condense 9 months of nauseating uncertainty into 90 seconds of highlights.
Until science can make this pipe dream a reality, long may the boredom continue!